Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
