she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
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hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
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You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.