weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
