I only kidnapped one of them. chill
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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