So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
