I'm going to jail i love you
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
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well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
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God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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