Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
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I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
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The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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