All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
