and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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