Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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