i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
