I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
one might say we're banned from that church
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
