Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
