My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
operation have a gay friend backfired
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
