I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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