So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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