I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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