if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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