she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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