Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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