i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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