Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
