I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
