i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
