The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
