The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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