OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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