You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
