Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
