yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
These tits shall not be calmed
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