Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
how does that bad decision feel?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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