I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
