Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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