You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
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