Well apparently he's into motor boating.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
