this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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