in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
