I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
