I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
