I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
