My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
