I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
