i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
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I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
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Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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