FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
