i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
