Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
