From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
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We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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