Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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