I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
