On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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