I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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