Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
