I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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