Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
