I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Randomize
