I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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