i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
