You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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