She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
