I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
