My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
