Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Randomize
