My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
